So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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