I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
