Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
