come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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