mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
