This is not my ceiling
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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