I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
