i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
