There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
