the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
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you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
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The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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