It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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