I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
