Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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