I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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