Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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