A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
