he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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