His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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