i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
