so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
