As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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