you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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