Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
