Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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