saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
