i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
