And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
