i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
