the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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