If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
