There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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