So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
