So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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