i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
