You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
