This girl is more easily done than said...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
