Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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