I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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