Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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