If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
