ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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