Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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