fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
