Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
