I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
