I have demons in me.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
