its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
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I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have aggressive nipples.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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