seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
