He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
