I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
