my sisters under your porch take her home
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
