K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
