it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
