A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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