he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
