I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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