when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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