Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
