maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
