No awkward lesbian experiences without me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need moral support for this bender
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
