I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
