Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
