my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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