You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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