My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
