non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
