i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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