If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize