OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
