Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He felt like a one man threesome
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is the high leading the old right now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
