you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
