maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My vagina is officially offended.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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