I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize