he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
