I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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