so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
