New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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