You just made me feel so damn special
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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