The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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