He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
